“How Does This Make Me Look?”

Level of Concern: Low

During this line of questioning, your significant other suddenly has the illusion that you attended fashion school in Milan and overnight became an expert on all things style. Somehow your hobbies of watching football, creating meals out of condiments and seeing how many times you can wear a pair of jeans without washing them, has made you the Ralph Lauren of your relationship. The illusion occurs when your significant other has too many options, is unsure of her weight or is trying to impress the world (usually for a Walmart outing). It has also been observed that ninety percent of the time, the question is asked while looking into a mirror and sliding her hands down from the stomach area, in a slimming motion. Some claim that mirrors have a hypnotic effect on women, causing them to lose touch with time and space.

Immediate Action:

Often the response given is quick and positive with only a glance at her outfit. “Looks good”, “I like it”. This will illicit a negative reaction because, in her eyes, you are not using the tools learned from your Milan fashion schooling to properly assess the attempt to stay current with Kim Kardashian’s new Summer style.

The proper response requires a moment of attention given to the clothing she is currently looking at in the full length mirror. While it probably all looks the same to you, it is important to pick one thing you think she likes about it and relay this to her while she is looking into the mirror. If she looks away from the mirror and makes eye contact with you, continue with another compliment of the outfit. Under no circumstance should you tell her that you do not like or disapprove of the outfit. This will cause a chain reaction which will lead her to try on another outfit that hasn’t been worn in years, which will ultimately lead to another and possibly…another. The end result will be her wearing the first outfit that was initially tried on. Save yourself time and frustration by giving one compliment to her first outfit and attempt to distract or usher her away from the mirror.

Note: At times, faking a cramp or minor injury may be used, however, this technique must be used sparingly and only if you have strong acting abilities. Good luck my friends!